The Drama Triangle Is Organizational Debt

Hiten Shah argues that many workplace problems are simple to solve once they reach the people directly involved, but they become costly when routed indirectly through intermediaries. Drawing on experiences at KISSmetrics and a later company, he describes how indirect communication shifts blame, creates a hero or scapegoat role, and turns clarity problems into emotional management. He offers a simple filter: if you discuss someone who isn't in the room, ask why. He frames these triangles as cultural debt that compounds as organizations grow, and recommends pruning them early through direct, one-to-one communication.

01Key takeaways

• If you discuss someone who isn't present, ask whether they truly cannot be included.
• Take concerns directly to the person involved, with your reasoning, rather than through a group or intermediary.
• Decline the role of intermediary when others try to route conflict through you.
• Name a forming triangle early and redirect the conversation to the people who own the issue.
• Treat indirect communication patterns as cultural debt that compounds if left alone.
• Establish shared norms early, since they make direct communication easier as teams grow.

02Key sections

A small fix that kept the system clean

Shah recalls a KISSmetrics moment when a CTO suggested bringing an absent person into the conversation, which resolved the issue quickly. He later saw this as a way of keeping the team's communication structure healthy.

How a triangle forms

An engineer's concern about another person's requirements was taken to a group instead of the author, recasting the work as stress management with one person absent, one blamed, and one expected to absorb it.

The cost of intermediaries

Routing feedback through a co-founder at a later company made Shah the problem and placed the intermediary in an unowned role. Even without bad intent, the structure added emotional load and confusion about responsibility.

A filter and a practice

Shah suggests asking why someone is absent from a discussion about them, and advises talking directly, declining the hero role, and naming and collapsing triangles when they appear.

Triangles as cultural debt

He argues that triangles are optional in small teams with strong norms, that they become more common as companies grow, and that pruning them early frees energy for the actual work.

03From the post

“Most work problems are easy to solve once they reach the right person. The trouble starts when they don’t get there directly. I was on a call yesterday where a small, solvable issue had already picked up unnecessary weight. I’ve learned to pause when that happens. Years ago, at KISSmetrics, we were discussing an issue involving someone who wasn’t in…”

04Frameworks mentioned

Summary and takeaways written by PM Atlas; quotes are short excerpts. © the original author.