How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook

Sam Lessin, a partner at Slow Ventures, former VP of Product at Facebook, and two-time founder, discusses his etiquette course and book aimed at founders and tech people. The conversation covers why etiquette matters for building trust, plus concrete guidance on introductions, conversation, dress, dining, scheduling, email, meetings, and exits.

01Key learnings

• Aim to enter a room with a low heart rate and an abundance mindset rather than scarcity, since the conversation is a give-and-get, not a one-shot pitch.
• Arrive a little early, roughly 10 to 15 minutes, and never make a late guest feel bad; a simple apology is enough.
• When you forget someone's name, introduce your partner first and let the moment hang so the other person picks up the name, or say 'great to see you' instead of 'nice to meet you' when unsure.
• In conversation, hit the ball back: ask questions but avoid interrogating, and leave people wanting more rather than exhausted by your life story.
• Dress one level above the room, prioritize fit over brand, and ask a trusted person or the host when you're unsure of the expected dress.
• Tip generously, offer to pay at normal dinners, don't order the most expensive item, and let the host set the pace of the meal.
• Respect assistants and gatekeepers with genuine thanks and follow-up, but avoid overly transactional gestures like bringing flowers.
• Keep emails short and to the point, skip emojis in business contexts, be thoughtful about who is in To versus CC, and respond with at least a quick acknowledgement.

Summary and takeaways written by PM Atlas; quotes are short excerpts. © the original author.