By Julie Zhuo · lg.substack.com · @joulee on X · LinkedIn
Julie Zhuo's personal essay traces how she came to see herself as an "ice queen": someone who learned to suppress emotion and present a composed, controlled surface. The piece frames emotional guardedness as a protective structure that is built gradually and can be deliberately taken apart. Its subject is the loss of the ability to cry and feel openly, and what it takes to reclaim that capacity. For product managers and leaders, the essay is a reminder that the self-protective habits we bring to work, like hiding vulnerability and projecting certainty, can shape how we lead and connect with others.
01Key takeaways
- Emotional guardedness is often a protective structure built over time rather than a fixed personality trait.
- Composure at work can hide vulnerability, which may limit trust and honest connection with colleagues.
- Recognizing your own protective patterns is a first step toward changing how you show up with others.
- Reconnecting with emotion can be a deliberate practice, not something that happens by accident.
02Key sections
- Opening confession
- The author admits that beneath a warm exterior she is an ice queen. This sets up the metaphor of a self built out of layers.
- Building the kingdom
- The essay frames the emotional armor as something constructed over time, brick by brick, rather than a fixed trait. Its purpose is protection.
- Dismantling the walls
- The author considers the work of peeling back the layers to reconnect with feeling, including the capacity to cry.
03From the post
“i. You may not believe this, but if you pull me apart and unpeel me layer by layer, you will discover that I am an ice queen.”
Summary and takeaways written by PM Atlas; quotes are short excerpts. © the original author.